I used to be a chronic people pleaser. That was, until EMDR ruined my life. I used to frequently go to family events, birthday, weddings, christenings, engagements and parties nearly every weekend in my twenties. However, I was unaware at the time that I was neurodivergent, and thought it was a personal failing that the loud noises and engaging in small talk with strangers overwhelmed my senses and left me feeling depleted. I pushed myself to attend events that only took my energy and left me needing to recover for days on end, often only to be required to attend another event the following weekend or face the horror of letting someone down.
I didn’t realize that I was giving so much of myself without taking the necessary steps to recharge. Often forgoing working on my own projects or doing my studies as I felt unable to say no to what other expected of me, thus putting my own personal progress in life at the bottom of the list of things to do. This frustrated and drained me.
This pattern continued as life went on. The party invitations dropped away with age, but my people-pleasing tendencies did not. In 2023, all the accumulated crises and emotional demands from those around me finally led to a breaking point. I had just overcome a recent crisis in my family and recovered my dog from being paralysed. I was taking on more workload with my new job and was looking forward to finally getting things back on track, and I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a dear friend. I said yes, but inside, I was dying, knowing that I HAD NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE.
It wasn’t until the bridesmaid activities and requests started rolling in months later that the impossibility of what I had committed to hit me like a tsunami wave. I wept like a baby in a state of complete and total overwhelm after being completely exhausted by the first activity, realising that I would need to spend days recovering, which meant days not working, not earning, not progressing my goals, and ultimately more days of me waiting to do the things I desperately needed to do to keep my life moving in the right direction. Experiencing complete burnout, I turned to EMDR to heal the part of me that struggled to assert boundaries and say no.
I used a combination of professionally administered EMDR therapy and self-administered EMDR to address and overcome ingrained beliefs that it was unacceptable to refuse or prioritize my own needs and that I was responsible for fixing others close to me whenever anything went awry.
How EMDR Ruined my Life
However, this had consequences – and this is how EMDR ruined my life. Initially, it was terrifying to say no after a lifetime of prioritizing others’ happiness. People reacted negatively when I started putting myself first and doing things that I wanted to do. Some friends became angry and upset, and some attempted to guilt-trip me, suggesting I was a bad friend for putting my own needs first. Interestingly, it was the bride who was the most gracious in accepting my withdrawal from the wedding party.
EMDR ruined my life – by helping me overcome deeply ingrained beliefs that I needed to prioritize others over myself even when it was literally almost killing me to do so, and that I was responsible for fixing everyone’s problems. Ultimately, EMDR therapy transformed my life for the better by removing those who couldn’t respect my boundaries and creating a more peaceful existence.
I have no regrets about my journey EMDR, and will continue to use it as a move through my healing journey, and I look forward to EMDR ruining my life many more times! Let the upgrades keep on coming!
